I had to take Conner up to PCMC today for an appointment. The whole ride up to the hospital, he threw up several times and was just having a rough morning. Then, while I was waiting in our room for the doctor to come in, I felt something wet on my arm, and realized that Conner's feeding tube had slipped out! I looked at the tape on his face, and realized that his throw-up had got under the tape, and made it really slippery, and that is what made the tube slide out so easily. I already was feeling sad because Conner wasn't having such a great morning, and so when his tube came out, I started crying. The doctor's assistant said that he would see if he could find someone to come help me put it back in. Paul has been the one to put his feeding tube back in, during the 2 weeks that he has had it. I do the holding and comforting, and daddy does the hard part. So when it came out, I was scared because I didn't know 'how' to put it back in (I 'know' how to put it back in because I've watched Paul do it several times, but have never done it myself). I was really happy that the assistant said he would find someone for me. He came back a few minutes later and said that the people he thought could come and help me were not available. After the appointment I thought I would go check with the NICU to see if someone might be willing to help me. On my way to the elevators, a nice nurse asked if she could help me (because I was carrying him outside his car seat, carrying the car seat, his diaper bag, and his backpack that carry's his food and pump). I told her that I was o.k. and thanked her. Then when I got to the elevators, there was a lady waiting there with her special needs child in a wheelchair. She too asked if she could help me, and I told her that I was o.k. Well she didn't want to take no for an answer, and said "You look like you need help, so I'm going to take your bag and let me carry that car seat" and proceeded to hand the bag on her daughter's wheelchair and carried the car seat as she pushed her daughter into the elevator. It was such a kind gesture, that I started crying (again) as I followed her into the elevator. When she saw me crying, she asked what was wrong and how she could help. I told her that Conner just had a rough morning, and then his feeding tube came out and I didn't know how to put it back in. She then announced that she would go with me and help me figure it out, where ever I was headed. She came with me as I called on the phone to the NICU and asked them if someone could help me. They put me on hold, then came back and apologized that they couldn't help me (liability reasons, which is understandable). I told Gretta (the name of the lady helping me) that I would just go home and try and put it in myself, but she wouldn't hear of it. She told me that she was going to stay with me until we found someone that would help me.
She told me to follow her and that she was going to talk to her nurse and see what they could do to help. We went to the 3rd floor where they were staying. When she found her nurse and another nurse, she said "This is my friend Annie..." and as she explained the situation, she was so passionate about helping me that she started crying! Then the nurse started crying, and then I started crying again! The nurses talked and then took me into an office, where they got the supplies for me that we needed. The nurse asked if she wanted me to have her put it in, or if I wanted to try. I said that I would try. There ended up being like 5 nurses in the little room, all wanting to hold Conner, and help out. I got the tube in on the first attempt, and they all cheered me on and congratulated me like I had just won a beauty pageant or something- it was so sweet. Gretta waited for me the whole time, out in the hall with her daughter.
What is it that drives human beings to reach out so selflessly and serve a complete stranger? It is of course the light of Christ and the spirit, but it still amazes me how it works. This woman, this beautiful, sweet woman could have so easily let me be. She didn't have to offer her hand to help me. She didn't have to make it her mission to help me find help for my baby. She had her hands full already (physically and mentally) with her daughter who had very special needs herself. It would have been so easy for her to think that she was too busy and that my need was so minuscule compared to her daughter's needs. And yet she didn't. She took me under her wing and with a heart so pure and full of charity, made me feel as though the Savior was taking care of me. She felt my sorrow and yearned to make me feel better. She went out of her way to serve me when there was no benefit for her from it. She won't ever get public recognition for this act, she won't get paid money, she didn't do it so other's could see her goodness. She helped me because she is a selfless, giving woman who saw another in need.
You can tell what kind of woman she is just from her daughter. I asked about her daughter, and she told me that she adopted her. I asked from where, and she told me that she adopted her from social services. This means that this woman knowingly adopted this child with all of her physical handicaps, and neurological problems. She gave up her wants, hobbies and "worldly desires' to so selflessly serve, love and take care of another human being. What could be a more Christ-like thing to do? This woman is a hero in my eyes, and made me really think about my life and what I'm doing to serve others. I want to be more selfless and giving. I want to be more charitable and giving of my love to people who are in need. It is not my place to judge other's, but rather to love unconditionally and be more Christ-like.
So today we are taking in Conner for another PH probe test. They will put a tube down his nose (he will still have in the feeding tube in the opposite nose hole, so he will have a "tube mustache") and what this does is it will measure the amount of times he is refluxing during a 16 hr time period. They will feed him only apple juice (for some reason it has to be apple juice for the probe to be able to pick up the acid levels). When he had this done back when he was still in the NICU his results came back at 19% reflux. The normal person refluxes about 5% of the day, but a healthy esophagus will pretty much keep it down (reflux is similar to heart burn). The surgeon that will be doing the G-tube said that 19% is a pretty high number and actually one of the highest that he has seen. We are just hoping that this PH study will be the most accurate it can be, so we can make the best decision for Conner (if he needs a nissen). He is getting his G-tube placed next week. (A G-tube means that instead of a feeding tube going into his nose, the feeding 'port' will now be surgically placed in on his tummy). There are several benefits to having a G-tube. The biggest thing is that it *should* help him be more willing to learn how to eat, because he will no longer have a tube down his throat that activates his gag reflex when he swallows food. He won't have the tube taped to his face anymore, and that alone is supposed to help the whole feeding aversion going on. Another huge plus is that I will no longer find Conner with the tube wrapped around his throat twice when I get him from naps, or get him up in the mornings. Yes, it's quite disturbing to find him like that. (and I always check on him, but it still just happens! He is thinks he needs to roll a million times before finding his comfy spot). I will also no longer have to carry around his pump everywhere I go since he has been on continuous, 24 hr/day feedings. He will begin to get 'bolus' feedings, meaning I will pretty much 'feed' him like a normal baby- every few hours or so he will get milk put into his G-tube. All in all, it should be a very positive change for him, and for us. I'm still really nervous about having to learn and know how to take care of his G-tube, but I know in no time, it will be a piece of cake. Wish us luck!
